


Wizard School Dropout

by Linuviael



Category: Grease (1978), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Musicals, Severus Snape: Teen Angel, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Songfic, Stays in the Gryffindor Dorms, What happens in the Gryffindor Dorms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:19:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linuviael/pseuds/Linuviael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hogwarts' favorite* Potions Master has a few 'encouraging' words for one of his struggling pupils. A very unofficial song parody of Grease's "Beauty School Dropout".</p>
<p>*Actual poll results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wizard School Dropout

It's 2:42AM, and for once, all the Gryffindor boys are sound asleep in their beds after a night of cramming for exams. Except for Neville. His anxiety is at an all-time high, with his relatives breathing down his neck about scoring high in all of his classes despite quite possibly the most sadistic man for his least talented one of the lot. Plus, you know the whole _puberty_ thing. Oh, and a Dark Lord making a rousing comeback, determined to eradicate a substantial amount of the Wizarding population. A few pimples don't seem that bad, on second thought...

Neville rolls over in the tangle of sheets to gaze at Trevor's hutch on his nightstand.

"Bet toads never have to worry about their grades or Dementors or whether or not they have toad significant others..."

He's in the process of half-heartedly straightening the covers out when Severus Snape appears over the foot of the bed in a very tight, very white leisure suit along with several Slytherin students in shimmering robes and shiny silver cauldrons perched on their heads.

 

Your story's sad to tell

A teenage ne'er do well

Most mixed up non-delinquent in your house!

Your future's so unclear now

What's left of your school year now?

Can't even brew a potion to de-louse!

 

Students: (Gratuitous 'La La La'-ing)

 

Wizard school dropout

No graduation day for you

Wizard school dropout

Missed your midterms and flunked Norse Runes

Well, at least you could have taken time

To wash and clean your robes up

From Remembralls that your Gran sent that almost blew your nose up!

 

Neville, get moving (Neville, get movin')

Why keep your feeble hopes alive?

What are you proving? (What are you provin')

You've got green thumbs but not the drive!

 

If you go for your diploma

You could join a greenhouse school

Don't make me seize your tome; 

Just go back to Blackpool!

 

Wizard school dropout (Wizard school dropout)

Hanging around the lion's corps

Wizard school dropout (Wizard school dropout)

It's about time they heard you roar!

 

Well, I couldn't teach you anything

You think you're such a smartie

But no customer would go to you

Unless their name was Barty!

 

Neville, reset it (Reset it)

You're not cut out to hold a pot

Best not regret it (regret it)

Who wants their potion from a naught?

 

Now your mind's ensnared

Your scales un-tare'd

But still my lair is cruel

Wipe off that forlorn face

and go back to Blackpool

 

Neville, don't stir it

Don't put my good advice to shame

Neville, you've heard it

Even Ms. Skeeter'd say the same!

 

Now I've said my lot

Advance the plot!

I really gotta fly...

Gotta be going to that

Dungeon

In 

the sky...

 

Wizard school dropout (Wizard school dropout)

Go back to Blackpool

Wizard school dropout (Wizard school dropout)

Go back to Blackpool

Wizard school dropout (Wizard school dropout)

Go back to Blackpool

 

And just like that, the Potions Master and his glittering entourage vanish.

 

"No more Chocolate Frogs before bed," Neville whispers to no one in particular.

 

Trevor croaks in agreement.


End file.
